What If My Kids Won’t Cooperate for Family Photos?
“But what if my kids don’t cooperate?”
I hear some version of this from parents all the time.
What if they won’t sit still? What if they won’t smile? What if my toddler has a meltdown? What if the kids start fighting? What if they completely ignore you?
Here’s the good news:
I don’t actually need your kids to cooperate.
In fact, there’s very little I need them to do at all.
Your kids don’t have to perform for the camera
When we think about family photos, most of us still picture some version of everyone getting dressed, standing in the right place, looking at the camera and hopefully smiling at the same time.
And if that’s the goal, then yes — cooperation matters.
But that isn’t how I photograph families.
I photograph what your family is actually like together.
That means your kids can play. They can run around. They can ignore me. They can climb onto Dad’s back for the 47th time. They can disappear into their rooms and come back five minutes later wearing something completely different.
They can be shy.
They can be loud.
They can be ridiculous.
They can even be grumpy.
None of those things ruin the photos.
They are the photos.
What if someone has a meltdown?
Then someone has a meltdown.
Seriously.
You don’t need to apologize to me. You don’t need to frantically try to fix it because “the photographer is here.”
You just parent.
Maybe your child needs a cuddle. Maybe they need a snack. Maybe they need to be left alone for a few minutes. Maybe the whole thing blows over almost as quickly as it started.
Whatever you would normally do, you do.
Because I'm not trying to make your family look like nobody ever cries, gets overwhelmed or has a bad moment.
That wouldn't be your real life.
And sometimes the moments immediately after the tears — being scooped onto Mom’s lap, Dad making someone laugh again, a sibling wandering over to see what’s wrong — are incredibly tender.
What if my kids fight?
Oh, they probably will.
Especially when I’m spending four hours with your family.
Siblings annoy each other. They steal things. They argue about who gets the blue cup. Someone sits way too close to someone else on the couch and apparently this is an unforgivable offence.
I know this not only because I’ve spent years photographing families, but because I’m a mom too.
I actually have an award-winning photograph of my own boys fighting.
Not hugging.
Not smiling beautifully together.
Fighting.
And I love that photograph.
Because that's part of their relationship too.
Years from now, I don't only want photographs that show me what my kids looked like. I want photographs that remind me who they were together.
What if my child is really shy?
That's okay too.
One of the advantages of documentary family photography is that we have time.
I'm not arriving for a 20-minute session where your child needs to warm up to a complete stranger immediately so we can get the shot.
I'm usually with a family for about four hours.
At first, your kids might be curious about me. Or suspicious of me. Or determined not to acknowledge my existence.
And then something wonderful happens.
I become boring.
They stop wondering what I'm doing. They go back to playing. They get interested in something else.
And that's exactly what I want.
I don't need your child to develop a relationship with the camera. I want them to forget about it as much as possible.
You don’t need to plan four hours of activities either
This is another thing parents sometimes worry about.
“What are we going to DO for four hours?”
Your normal stuff.
Make pancakes.
Play Lego.
Walk the dog.
Jump on the trampoline.
Make lunch.
Read a book.
Go to the park.
Bake something.
Have a bath.
Hang out in the backyard.
Do homework.
Put the baby down for a nap.
You don't need four hours of Pinterest-worthy family activities planned for me.
Actually, please don't.
The ordinary things you barely notice anymore are often exactly the things worth remembering.
In fact, your ordinary family life is more than enough for meaningful photographs.
The chaos isn't getting in the way of the good photographs
This might be the biggest difference between documentary family photography and the kind of family photography most of us grew up with.
I'm not waiting for real life to get out of the way so I can make the good photographs.
Real life is where the good photographs are.
The way your youngest still climbs into your lap even though they're getting too big for it.
The expression your daughter makes when her brother is annoying her.
The way Dad gets tackled when he comes into the room.
The dog under the table waiting for someone to drop something.
The little hand reaching for yours without anyone thinking about it.
Those are the things I'm watching for.
And I can't ask your family to recreate them for me.
Finding the right family photographer is about more than liking their photos
If you've been searching for family photographers near me, there's something I'd encourage you to look at beyond whether you like the photographs on someone's website:
How does that photographer actually work?
Do they pose families?
Do they give a lot of direction?
Will your kids be expected to look at the camera?
How long will you have together?
What happens if your toddler doesn't want to participate?
There isn't one right kind of family photography. Some families genuinely want a beautiful portrait with everyone looking at the camera.
But if the thought of getting everyone dressed, cooperative and smiling already makes you tired, you should know there's another option.
Your kids don't need to be on their best behaviour for me
You don't have to wait until your toddler is older.
You don't have to hope everyone is in a good mood.
You don't need kids who listen perfectly.
You don't need a spotless house, coordinated outfits or an elaborate plan.
You just need your family.
Exactly as they are right now.
Because someday, the things that feel completely ordinary — and occasionally completely chaotic — are going to be the things you wish you could step back into for five minutes.
Those are the photographs I want to make for you.
If you're in Calgary and you've been looking for family photography that doesn't require your kids to perform for the camera, I'd love to show you what a documentary family photography session can look like.
Want to keep reading? This month, my blog circle is sharing helpful ideas and beautiful photography. Next, head over to my colleague Robyn, who’s talking about Why fall of senior year matters — and why it’s such a meaningful time to document.
